Solo Trip, is one of those words that was daunting to me as well but laying across my eldest sisters bed crying and grieving after leaving a tumultuous relationship it was by far the last thing on my mind.
Oddly enough, the TV was playing the Julia Roberts masterpiece of Eat.Pray.Love and immediately thought I need to do that. Go somewhere far away, alone with my thoughts and process life. Next steps, getting through one of the roughest times of my adult life.
In that moment, I held my breath and booked my flight to Phuket, Thailand. I mean could I get any further away, NO LOL.
I knew I needed a beautiful, serene location that could drown all the noise from a heartbreak I was experiencing after 6yrs with someone you thought would be your forever. However, I knew I needed to be still. God will keep you in your mess until you decide to remove yourself from said mess.
Trip Travel Time: 36HRS
It took me 15 hours to get to Shenzhen, China. I will admit I took an edible CBD infused candy to help with my flight. I only recommend after speaking to your physician. I didn’t want a man-made drug to knock me out because as mentioned I’m alone I need to still be conscious of my surroundings. There was a 10hr layover in China which was interesting to say the least. There was quite the cultural exchange, being a 5’9” black woman in China. Apparently, I am Beyonce over there. Picture request were non-stop, I had to find myself hiding from the locals.
Ok this is where shit gets real! I ended up having my first of a few breakdowns. I mean full on crying fit. So many negative things floaded my head. “Why me”, “Starting over again”, “Why did this happen to me”, “ My boys” so many things GEMs! I ended up calling my good girlfriend and just balling over the phone as she listened she let me get it out. I mean I was still in the thick of it. Getting a divorce feels like someone died. A death of a life you once had, the love you once shared. It was driving me crazy, I wasn’t eating, sleeping, my anxiety was at an all time high and now I’m 3000 miles away from all I know and love.
Needless to say she gathered me. She said “You cry in China” but there is not another tear for someone who isn’t shedding any for you once you get to Thailand.” I highly advise reaching out to a friend that won’t let you sit in your funk for too long. They honor the feeling, respect your need to cry then collect you off the floor so you can experience how great life is, I mean I’m going to Thailand!
So after that mild breakdown, I gathered my carry-on and caught my connecting flight to Phuket!
I spent the next couple days getting acclimated to the neighborhood, took advantages of some excursions and truly enjoyed my villa.
After 4 days in Phuket, I read a ton of forums that lead me to Kho Phi Phi island a small beach island on the coast of Thailand that literally took my breath away! It was picturesque, it was beautiful, and it was peace.
THAT PART, peace. I realized after 36hours of travel that I was simply seeking peace. Peace from the trauma, from the heartbreak, from the falsehood of a previous life I lived. As an influencer I post images of my seemingly happy life but really I was suffering in silence and I knew I lost my voice. My purpose. There was a point in my trip that I felt the release of all the emotions I held so sacred and it came when I visited an elephant sanctuary in Chiang Mai.
Hear me out, elephants are huge, majestic and unapologetically themselves. That is what I lost. I lost my bigness to make my partner happy, I lost my voice to make my partner secure, I made excuses for why I wasn’t living the life I wanted. Funny moment as I was crying over one of the female elephants one of the staff told me “Don’t be scared any longer” What is crazy is he has no idea how those words resonated with my soul. I don’t have to be scared, little does he know it had nothing to do with the elephant.
I walked away forever changed. I understand solo trips can be scary and maybe going 3000 miles away is a bit extreme. So start small go domestic go 2-3hrs away from your norm. Take the care of self as a priority. I didn’t think I wasn’t going to make it this far in my healing, yet here I am.
I am moving on with my life. I no longer concern myself with my past in effort to live the life I’ve always wanted.
It starts today!